Updated: Mar 23
Thank you for joining us today as we will be discussing community in our 4th episode in the Higher Humans Series. To recap we talked about the journey to self of the dismantling of your current life, where everything seems to be falling apart or unfulfilling to then realizing you have core trauma and shadow aspects of yourself that are needing to be healed. In episode 2 we talk about how to do the shadow work and then in our last episode about discovery of self we talk about the reprogramming one must undergo to rebuild their life in an authentic way that is in alignment from their higher self. Someone who is self aware and conscious.
Today in episode 4 we discuss community this is one of the most challenging steps on the journey after undergoing a spiritual awakening or consciousness expansion. You begin to lose everyone in your life. For most of us it literally means everyone that is not for your highest good, this can include family, best friends of 20 plus years, marriages, business partnerships or jobs that no longer serves us. We begin to feel alone, unseen, unheard, misunderstood, isolated and so much more. We crave deep connection under it all the only issue is during your ascension period you undergo several shifts to weed these things out of your life and depending how much trauma you have or how much shadow work you’ve done finding community can be challenging. Most try and force to keep their old connections around due to abandonment issues while others people please and force them to conform to other groups for identity and purpose. This is incredibly dangerous and we are beginning to see the ramifications of this due to the coronavirus pandemic.
Thousands of souls woke up to consciousness during this time, yet many failed to do the work. Some began the work but got too comfortable and stayed stagnant while others let their ego get inflated and either misguided people around them or clung to things too tightly loosing sense of self and who looked for the answers in the wrong places. I believe we will start to see support groups for people who got really sucked up into the New Age movement as the years go on. It is important when starting this work to remember it is always about the self and all answers come from the self, not outside of yourself.
This episode we are going to focus on the concepts of desperation, external validation, authenticity, healthy conflict and leading/inspiring versus dogmatic approaches and finally the New Age communities and communities in general.
Many people look to find a tribe in life. Your first tribe is your family. If the family is dysfunctional as most are it makes it challenging for you to align with tribe members at school, work and social who are truly in alignment with who you are because you don’t necessarily know who you truly are. Our earlier episodes really highlight these issues that cause the awareness to begin to evaluate your current communities and that you are no longer in alignment with them but we haven’t got too in depth with what this actually can look like.
We look into the first topic of desperation and break it down but we will revisit this. When we are born into this world our first desperation is our mother, depending on your home environment your need for her can be very strong yet your needs may never be met, or there is an over dependence on her, non-existent presence, or even angry and resentful of her for her actions. This first sense of desperation really highlights areas that need attention in how we form relationships and community with others.
We first go to school and start hanging out with other kids generally or family friends, neighborhood kids if you were homeschooled which is your second community, or whoever was present in your surroundings during this developmental stage of your life. Depending on your relationship with your parents this directly impacts the way we gravitate and respond to others. For the child who needed their mom but maybe the mom was a single mother and had to work all the time but was deeply loved by the mother develops this sense of caretaking. They see how hard their mom works for them that they feel the need to help others because they don’t know how to help their mother directly. Or for the child who was overly dependent on their mother the cry baby with separation anxiety, won’t make a decision in their life without asking their mother what to do will generally find people who are authority figure people who can take charge for them, this can also be duality here with this one where this person believes they are superior and find people who cater to their needs and make them the center of their world, or the ones with no mom tend to shy away from close connections due to hyper indenpence issues stemmed from abandonment issues. To lastly the angry one who doesn’t play fair, constantly competing with others, selfish, detached or overly emotional or on the flip side impossible to get past their wall. This begins to shape the community to begin to align with people who either mirror those things back to us and we find comfort in it, or people who have the inverse quality like a narcissist and an empath connection, or people who abandon themselves and people please trying to fit in because they have never felt loved before.
Once you’re able to see the dynamics that you currently have in your life people start dropping like flies when you begin to heal. People resent you, gaslight you, hold you back, etc. and so you try and find new friends and community but still are trying to find fulfillment outside of yourself.
There is one huge trap in community that many fail to understand. People are constantly seeking external validation which is the next topic we are to discuss. When we do shadow work and begin healing we notice perhaps how we played small to appease others because we were afraid to fully be ourselves. Maybe someone who doesn’t want to do what you tell them to do, someone who is combative, someone who has their own strong desires, etc. once people leave your life sometimes we feel burned that we have this need to replace them. “Like fuck you all you are the ones who fucked me over I don’t want anything to do with you.” Now you’re alone and so you try and force yourself into a new group and overly do it because you’re trying to replicate a connection that’s connected to your past. Or you’re not in touch with your true self yet that you begin to over identify with your new group of people to make yourself feel better, again forcing connection. I strongly feel that there will be support groups for people who were abused in some of these new age groups or for people who got lost in the sauce. Think like people who finally broke away from religion and then rushed off in rebellion to their new group and over identifying with them and rebuking their past is the same beast and programming just a different hat. When you are desperate for attention you tend to settle or do things that you wouldn’t normally do if you were in your full authenticity. The desire to connect so badly can cloud your judgement. Think about a toxic romantic relationship you keep making excuses for their behaviors because you don’t want to be alone or have to start over or try harder so you stay stuck. We do this a lot with friends and that’s where gossiping and complaining comes in. If you’re constantly unhappy in your dynamics then you got to change within what the real issue is and be able to authentically talk about your issues.
The next topic is authenticity this is similar to external validation in the sense that you’re agreeing too much with other people or trying to be liked instead of being true to yourself but mostly here is when we are shutting ourselves off to being fully seen. Perhaps we don’t share about our personal feelings and lives to others, or we are ashamed of how much money we have so we front to any other sort of lie that is creating a false sense of identity or even someone misjudging you as someone that you’re not and you don’t correct them?
I struggled with being authentic at times because I didn’t want to rock the boat, i didn’t want to let people down or I didn’t want things to end or suffer so I would take on more than I needed to and I would repress my own needs and desires. Or I still do this in groups where I won’t talk as much as others to respect time and others needs/wants to express themselves I tend to go last. I have become better at communicating with others when I want to but something I still can struggle with being fully seen. The opposite can be said sometimes when I feel I am in my zone I can at times go overboard and talk over people by accidentally cutting them off because I think of something I want to say or perhaps dominate a conversation because I am so much I want to say. As with anything in life there is duality and this duality is a huge tool we can use to our advantage to keep us accountable but most importantly of all empathetic to everyone's situation in life.
The next topic is super crucial where we need conflict in order to grow. Many people stay stuck, stagnant and small because they want to avoid conflict, they only want to be around people who agree with them or will do what you want in some way. We all have moments like this, it’s not like we wake up and are like Omgggg I can’t wait to get into an argument with someone. (There are sociopaths out there so it’s there but not common) however this can prevent us in many ways that we refuse to be challenged. All healthy relationships will have conflict it’s just that the conflict needs the intention to find resolution, in the sense that all parties are coming to a space to level up and see things from new perspectives and of course this can take many tries and time but that’s the whole goal. With certain communities we can stay stuck in them because we don’t want to hurt each others feelings but again gossip or resentment affect this dynamic or people have nothing but conflict with no resolution yet people don’t want to find a common ground leading to power and control dynamic issues.
The last topic is one that is fast becoming a huge issue. Something that I talk about often on my platform is my own mistakes, my own hypocrisy and ignorance and misguidance at times and how that it’s super important to discuss to people early on in their journey. In the current new age movement there was a rise all of a sudden of a younger generation coming online and fast that offset the number of teachers, gurus, schools and accessibility to information to learn about spirituality and consciousness. The wave before (20-30 plus years ago) before the current big wave that started 12 years ago had more time to learn and grow, they became the “masters” because there was no one to challenge them, keeping them stagnant and jaded even in only seeing things one way yet at the same time the consistent mass awakenings over the past 5 years has disrupted the original teachings and understandings, over identifications, trends, dogmas, labels, due to poor respect to traditions, foundations and that there are situations where age and wisdom play a part. There is something that can shift in the current modalities and communities out there where we can bridge the gap between the past and the future through focusing on the present moment. All parties have the same ideas in the sense that you just want to be happy, less suffering, treating people fairly and being loved. The only issue is finding a way where everyone can get to these understanding in their own way and that communities should help encourage that for everyone's own unique journey.
At the beginning of my awakening I was very open and when you are open you tend to take things at face value or give your power away to those who have been on the journey longer than you or the opposite can be said that you think your the best thing since sliced bread and unable to learn from others. Finding a balance in community can be challenging. Many are in desperation mode that they can be misguided and taken advantage of that they end up worse off than when they started. The opposite can be said that people thought they were dope and that they want to build their own community that rebukes others opinions or tries to teach the existing systems in their own way and ends up leading people down a path that can at times be too radical or inconsiderate because they haven't done the work yet, or are only just beginning. There has to be a healthy balance with knowing that you know nothing in this life. Things change everyday so it is important for us to remain humble and open to change.
I think we are all searching for our communities, we as humans need connection and when we are unable to find it we try and cultivate it on our own, but if we aren’t operating in our highest authenticity and integrity we will have a lot of challenges. The boom of new age and mass spiritual awakenings I quickly realized that many were stuck in one level of thinking whether that was the older teachers whom generally were older white people who failed to elevate and integrate the younger generations problems or people of colors challenges, to then the opposite of too many newly awakened souls who had one crazy DMT experience and felt they were god. This is a difficult issue we are facing when seeking consciousness as well as acceptance. How do we bridge the gap to ensure there’s more accountability or is that not possible?
We hope that this episode opens up your perspectives to seeing the part you play in everything that you come into contact with, most importantly community. That you develop a good sense of self and realize that others are doing or can do the same and that we should all lead by example and open ourselves up to new possibilities through the connection of other people. That our differences are actually what brings us together and how we can cultivate connectedness through them.
As always keep shifting your perspectives and finding the delights in everyday moments.
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