food for thought: commitment

Date: 11/5/22

In a world today focused around technology, convenience, accessibility and comfort we have almost eradicated the need for traditional structures and connection with other humans all together. We can buy anything with one click of a button without ever interacting with another human, we can watch people have sex or engage with us in a sexual manner without ever leaving our homes, we can order any type of food we want without ever meeting the chef or where it came from, we can take classes online without ever meeting a teacher face to face and so much more.

We are losing the very fundamentals of our structure, society and existence if we really want to look at it, which is the connection between other humans. Since the dawn of existence humans had to rely on one another if they were to survive, we needed hunters and gatherers, women to bear children, men to fight and protect us and then we started to go to war with each other over resources instead of figuring out how to work together where everyone’s needs were met and conflicts were able to be resolved with the intention to grow and evolve.

As I get older I see the disconnect more and more. Many of us who walk this earth believing that it is important to connect with others in deeper and more meaningful ways tend to shelter ourselves away in disappointment with the reality of the world that we live in currently. I find it difficult to sustain deep conversations with mass amounts of people who don’t believe in commitment, want anything and everything now, don’t want to work hard, have trouble staying focused, use drugs and alcohol more frequently as that is the state they rather be in than sober, focused only on material things, prefer to have a lot of sex with many people instead of making love, have almost no sense of morals or ethics because they prefer to be in a neutral position about everything in life since our society decided that we have to be PC in everything that we say and do instead of honoring that everyone has the right to do as they please as long as they don’t prevent or hurt others from doing the same.

The hypocrisy I find in society and even at times within myself is too much at times. It makes it hard to feel fully seen, heard, and validated that many just rather conform and stay with the status quo because they are too afraid to be different, their true selves. It is so sad that we see so many people take their own lives, get sucked up into the system, addicted to substances and hurt others because they fail to heal themselves. Our society creates these dark loops that keep us stuck in constant cycles of despair, fear and hopelessness that we rather just stay in them than try something different.

I hope that through these mass spiritual awakenings that the people who decide to fully wake up embrace this journey, what it truly has to offer you and not feel that it is too extreme and even dangerous to be different. When we get the call to change ourselves from the inside out, many hang up the phone and say, “not me, I’m not ready!” or “why do I have to change?” “Why me?” just sending us down these deep holes of self-pity, victimization and blame. We refuse to see that this is a gift, not a burden. Though this journey is hard and not glamorous, the gifts that you receive along the way make up for all of the hardships.

When we are able to let go of trying to be someone and instead embracing who we truly are, are we better able to be at ease and let go of the resistance that we have carried so long in our systems. The things that we are fed to believe are immense. The foods that we eat are so far removed from the beautiful gifts that the earth can provide, with things we have no idea how to pronounce, killing us all slowly by giving us over sensitivities because of the abundance of certain chemicals in our food to diabetes and other serious health concerns. The convenience of our food makes it almost impossible to get away from these things that are slowly killing us. Not to say that we can’t eat anything that we want (I will eat it all I really don’t give a shit but I am aware of the choices that I make each time I choose to eat something), but we have become slaves to eating out of routine, boredom, etc. that we will just eat anything blindly, no questioning where it came from and what chemicals are in it. The agricultural industry is one that is out to profit, there is nothing wholesome about this. Even small farms have to do things to be profitable. The certifications and regulations that the FDA put on farms isn’t very strict, the practices of over-tilling to the use of pesticides are quite frightening. I went to school and received a degree in environmental studies and environmental science and resource management that basically taught me we are fucked. I became so cynical and pessimistic to the point that I resented that a degree like this even existed as to my professors and fellow classmates still were viewing shit through rose colored glasses and had warped ideas on how the rest of humans even process information let alone would even comply to these out of the box ideas on how to save the fucking planet. I basically turned in my “green” card after I graduated that the only job I was going to get with that degree would be for the government, fuck the government or an NGO that still would have to jump through hoops with government of some sort to maybe make small contributions here and there and never have any real impact on healing the issues or conserving our resources (more realistic approach) that I basically said fuck it.

I would do my best over the years to be mindful of my waste habits, commute via public transportation or carpool, support local, cook my own food, research certain products and try and reduce my carbon footprint, but then I just got tired of it. I was like it fucking doesn’t matter, I was the devil’s advocate in school where I would always oppose the green alternative in our debates and my teachers were always like, “well Kate you’re actually not wrong at all for your view point as it is very realistic but let’s take another point here in terms of seeing the progress over X amount of years with X amount of impact on our total carbon footprint and my arguments would always come back to well it costs way too much over the time span you’re saying that improvements can be made, this wouldn’t provide many extra jobs to offset the jobs for companies who are contributing most to the waste habits and etc. etc.” I basically threw back in their face every time the past patterns that we were fucked. I wasn’t wrong for feeling hopeless and cynical as history has shown us time and time again that we repeat the past, but the problem I was failing to understand is that each time we fail we learn something new. For every step forward we make, sometimes we do have to take 10 steps back for us to recalibrate but in the long haul we are able to awaken more people to the current problem, thus it is always beneficial to be the unique one, to take the path less traveled, to believe in something to inspire others that there is always hope.

I was blessed to grow up in a progressive city where we recycle, have compost, farmers markets, public transportation and so much more to reduce our waste habits and it is instilled in people at a very young age. I would always be so confused when I would go to other cities and countries where they didn’t recycle or they didn’t have a food waste bin, like it just didn’t even make sense to me. I was like but why? Like there seemed to be no reasonable explanation to me for why these services didn’t exist, only continuing my pessimism of humans all together and the faith of our planet as we knew it. This is the exact same feeling that many of us face when we are being asked to step into our higher selves, our true selves, our calling/purpose, healing our trauma and spiritual awakening. We can’t fathom the point of it sometimes. It feels unfair, useless and pointless that we rather just stay stuck because at least when we are stuck we have people to hang out with to give us instant gratification feelings that we can exchange at a drop of a hat by ordering new people online with a click of a button, to why feel pain when I can mask my pain with drugs and alcohol or why take accountability for myself when I can just go around and blame others for my problems and attract and find people who also view the world the same way keeping us all stuck in perpetual cycles. Many of us find that to be far more appealing than taking the path less traveled. As I go deeper on this journey I find the understanding of how important both of these paths are to us as a whole. It is for us to find compassion in all, literally in everything. It is important for us to understand the differences of others and how we can learn more about ourselves through those differences, it is humbling for us to see the error of our own ways when we judge others that we are truly only ever judging ourselves, for us to force change on others when they aren’t ready or don’t want to reminds us to have compassion and to focus on finding our own happiness, to just letting go all together.

I tend to notice people wanting to be too neutral in things without understanding the fundamentals of compassion. We have turned into a society where we HAVE to be all inclusive on people/places and things that many of us have zero connection to, forcing us to comply and forcing compassion instead of giving us the opportunity to understand compassion as a whole. So many are operating at a frequency of fear that they closet themselves from forming strong opinions while others just settle into this neutral state without taking a true stance on how they truly feel. I see this a lot within gender fluidity/neutrality and creating this bypassing culture of people who want to join in on the genuine people who feel no connection to one sex or the other or in fact they do not see energy as gendered and prefer not to be confined by the constructs of such limiting labeling of roles in society. I believe strongly in non-binary, gender fluidity and so much more but I also find many who have zero concept of what it is asking, what that means for them and how they are showing up when asking to be treated as no gender what so ever yet want people to cater to them in ways that cater to one gender versus another can be at times hypocrites. As well as the usual bad apples who get to use this culture to fuel their own personal agendas or infiltrate other people’s true beliefs to gain respect, power, and personal gains. No one cares if you prefer to identify one way or another but when you are constantly forcing people to change their outlook people get put off by this. Instead how can we show gender fluidity in society better to validate those who do not see themselves just as a man or a women? As well as show people how they are already gender fluid and energy is just energy.

When we awaken on this journey we learn about balance, balancing of energy and while older texts talk about it to be masculine and feminine we can use neutral words that have been expressed for centuries about positive and negative aspects of ourselves that remove gender all together and focus on humans as divine beings, not gendered people. However, I hope that many aren’t ashamed of their gender or gender as a whole. Being born or identifying as a man is a gift, same with being born or identifying as a woman as we technically all carry both of these genders within each of us (which is a debate as a whole). To be able to embody those traits of an archetype of a man is to be a leader, protector, provider, visionary, logical, rational and so much more, while the female archetype allows for creativity, nurturing, compassion, love, understanding, wisdom, creation and so much more. For any human to truly embrace themselves as embodying these traits is admirable and shouldn’t be afraid of these qualities that they identify with. The amount of emasculated men, overly masculine females, and non-gender conforming beings have altered the natural polarity of the energetic system on earth. While I am 100% on board with people identifying with whatever identity they choose I want to remind others that it’s ok for them to take a stand for what they personally believe in and not to be afraid of hurting others feelings. This is true inclusion where we are not condemning others to feel the way that they do, but it should in no way diminish how we show up fully as ourselves.

Just because someone asks me to call them by certain names, pronouns or treat them in certain mannerisms that appease their identity does not mean that I should be ashamed of owning my full innate power of a divine feminine who embraces both of her masculine and feminine polarities and is comfortable with exchanging the wording to divine being possessing their shadow and light aspects of themselves on the highest level if it offends someone deeply. I don’t want anyone to feel ashamed or guilty for not treating me well as a human being because I tell someone how to address me or who I am nor would I want to do the same for them. I don’t need to demand that or even ask that of people, I simply show up as myself. I tell people who I am and more importantly I show them who I am. I am someone that can be gender fluid but will tell you I identify as a strong woman. I love that I am a woman where I am able to embrace my emotions fully, I am able to create with love all that I want to see, I am caring and compassionate and embrace my full-figure body as the divine woman that I am. I am able to bear children if I want to due to my gender, which I think is one of the most important and beautiful gifts that gendered women are gifted. Yet I am also in full power of my ability to lead others, my desire to want to protect those that I love and those that can’t fend for themselves, I am able to look at life through a lens of logic and rationale. I just show up as myself. I don’t need to constantly be at war with people to prove a point that I am a woman, hear me roar. I empower the women in life to show up fully as themselves and we can come together when there are times of unfairness and that society still views us only one way but I also don’t need to waste time screaming at people to see me, belittle others to see my view point, harass men to force them to treat me a certain way and so much more. Non-violent communication allows me to be fully assertive in my own beliefs and I won’t take shit from anyone but I am not getting out of vibrational alignment to prove a point, to fuel my own ego for someone to hear me as they may never see me, hear me or agree with me and that is my responsibility that I have to remember that those may never see my point of view. What I can do is keep showing them how to treat me by treating myself and others the way I want to be treated. Leading by example and being compassionate towards them for they do not know. Being fully committed to myself.

The archetypes of man versus woman are interesting. Back in ancient times like Egypt for example, men and women at one point in time were equals, they were respected and loved the same way. They were both powerful and able to create vast empires and not be threatened by their gender and were able to co-create an expansive world. Somewhere along the way, the woman archetype was back-benched to being only good for child bearing, was a sex object, was a monetary value to be sold and traded, was a liability in war and so much more. The divine feminine was thwarted by her true powers and respect on all levels. She was pushed down for centuries and abused, taken advantage of and so much more that as time went on she got angry. Really angry and empowered herself to take her power back. So much so that we can see this playing out in society with the amount of women power houses as CEO’s, leaders of nations, etc. Fully sexually empowered women, liberated from traditional gender roles and so much more. However it has hit a tipping point where these liberated women have emasculated the men in the world to feel as if they are no longer needed. Breeding nothing but boys in our society, not empowered men, or the opposite can be said of emotionless tyrants. The amount of woman I meet and talk to all tell me the same problems, the men that they encounter are immature, non-committal, close minded, money focused, sex focused or entertain easily impressed women only and are defensive people in the work place. So for my gendered/self-identifying and non-binary people we are seeing and continuing this stigma of men are from mars women are from venus and we must attack them, put them down, shove it in their face and so much more instead of going within and seeing where the masculine and feminine archetypes within each and every single one of us is imbalanced.

The amount of women I meet who tell me how hurt they have been by men romantically is appalling. The amount of us who have been sexually and physically abused over the years is insane. I have not met a single woman in my 35 almost 36 years of existence that doesn’t have at least one story of sexual harassment or assault. However, I too have the pleasure of interacting and having many platonic friendships and acquaintances with men who tell me the same exact thing with women. As always on my platform I always want to highlight and show all sides to the stories. How many of these damaged men who have abused us have ever confessed to you about their childhood traumas? The men I know have suffered from physical and sexual abusive parents and relatives to being abused by the women they date (emotionally/mentally and physically), to being controlled and manipulated by others when they so desperately just want to be loved and not in these toxic cycles, yet our society teaches them to treat women poorly or objectify them, disrespect them, focus only on the hustle, never get married, do drugs and party all the time, etc. etc. Then look at the male archetypes out there, they are ego megalomaniacs, cheaters, liars, tyrants and so much more. There isn’t this well of noble men who are compassionate, caring, nurturing, emotionally vulnerable, while being strong, stoic, great leaders and so much more. They exist but they are not in mainstream media, we pay into a society that keeps the patriarchy going, the corrupt patriarchy. I believe that patriarchy could work but the way in which our society is doesn’t allow growth and evolution that it no longer works. We are in this time where change has to happen and as we know change starts within.

The men I know all feel safe to open up to me about the issues that they have. I have some that tell me, “man I am too nice to women and they just treat me like shit, maybe I shouldn’t be so nice.” and I tell them all no, it’s not that you are too nice, it is that you are unable to ask for your needs to be met, to speak your mind on how you truly feel, lack some communication skills and emotional vulnerability that you are picking women who highlight these areas within yourself that you are failing to take ownership. These men are not in full power of their true masculine essence. They are unsure of their ability to lead and they allow others to control and manipulate them. I have other friends who just keep going for the toxic women because they are addicted to the drama and the sex. I have one friend who every time he meets a new girl he will call me and be like, “Kate I met a new girl, she’s fucking crazy, you’ll love her, lets all hang out.” hahahahaha then I will laugh and be like ok dude sounds like a great time. He fully knows what he is doing and I don’t judge him for it. We will have conversations about it but he just is ok with repeating patterns.

I have had many people I know over the last 2 years tell me about how they are dating women who physically beat them and are terrified the woman will flip the abuse on them and so out of fear they stay or they feel guilty for treating them some type of way so they stay (same sad story as women who stay in abusive relationships for years because they have low self worth issues), to men who are stuck to someone out of duty to their children, money and stability, to men who married women and believe that they just have to stay in the marriage out of loyalty who feel nothing for their wives and just feel guilty if they left. These are sadly due to the poor environment around them. Their family dynamics and society have taken a toll on our ability to understand what life can actually be like. The amount of people who recreate their familial problems in their relationship is insane. When you become conscious you see how your parents or people who raised you have rubbed off on you, the old apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Or on a deep subconscious level you recreate your parents dysfunctional relationship because that is the only relationship you knew and on a deep subconscious level recreating it in your own relationships is comforting to some degree. All of them sadly are not embracing their true potential and power as a fully masculine man or feminine being or divine being encompassing their full power. They are conditioned to seeing partnerships only one way, their trauma has hindered them from feeling more loved and worthy of finding something better. While others stay in toxic cycles of never committing and only being in and out of people’s lives to cater to their addictions and being emotionally unavailable and lacking any sort of vision or purpose in life.

This society keeps us stuck in these patterns. The ability to brainwash ourselves with endless scrolling, so much porn keeping us stuck to our lust cycles keeps us further away from committing to ourselves. The current trends of “free love” with the various forms of relationships that avoid intimacy and commitment aren’t helping. People want an easy fix, oh I don’t want to commit so now we are just going to make it ok to not commit and start a trend that everyone doesn’t have to commit yet all of them secretly desire stability and commitment of some sort or get sucked into dramatic situations or recycle people left and right. There is nothing wrong with your fetishes, sexual preferences, number of partners and relationship types but the over abundance of acceptance for people to be non-committal make it hard for them if they ever do want to commit in the future. The more that I see the non-committal in personal relationships it really just highlights the real problem of non-committal to the self. This is the only issue here, a person who is fully committed to their highest potential has the ability to be able to function in these non-committal situations without any issues on their end and can assume a commitment in the future if they so choose, for they always choose themselves at the end of the day. They are able to prioritize their own needs, go after their goals and ask for their needs to be met and respect others, but most people entering into these phases are stuck in a lust cycle and have zero commitment to the self.

Everyone goes through a lust cycle. When we are first activated to our sacral chakra our pleasure house we begin to experiment, usually masturbation first and then we want to do more and more. The more we feel this pleasure the more we want to do it and then it becomes so strong that it takes us over. Women generally can handle this easier because we are programmed that we need emotional support/security (within the self and external) generally speaking but not limited to all gendered women to tap into this pleasure center to truly feel the full power, while men don’t. The fact that men don’t means that their ability to go in and out of their pleasure center is easy. The lust cycle in a man can take years to burn off and DO NOT ever believe that you are going to be the one that will change that within a man. Only the man who is in control of his lust cycle will be able to commit fully to himself and thus commit to another. The more you try to force the man out of it or the more he forces himself to resist his urges the worse it gets. The guilt and shame are endless. The problem is most men have zero idea of what causes the sustaining of the lust cycle in the first place. They have become a slave to their own desires or associate happiness and joy with physical pleasure and haven’t even tapped into what emotional or spiritual pleasure is.

Most are disconnected from themselves, some even disconnected from their own body that sex is the only time they ground into their body. The dissociation is insane. The fears, lack and self limiting beliefs keep men stuck in these vicious cycles. The amount of trauma that they have experienced in life also have a huge impact on this lust cycle, seeking external validation or avoidance to emotional intimacy. Not all are like this mind you but the cycle will only ever be finished when the person decides it is over and not a moment before. Our society glorifies the man who sleeps with millions of people and to avoid commitment all together yet they still desire to have someone in their life at some point for more than just one night. So when these men finally do settle down they might trap themselves in a situation that they feel they can control 100% on their terms. They find themselves women who won’t ever leave them, won’t ever question them, won’t ever change, only in it for a give and take exchange and end up resenting it and then going right back out to their lust cycle and never healing the parts of themselves that are being asked of them. Same can be said with all genders as it is really just highlighting the inability to fully commit to yourself. If you cannot commit to how you want to live for yourself, how can you commit to a job, a location, a hobby or even a person if you lack the ability to commit to your own beliefs and authenticity.

Going back to ancient Egypt where Kings and Queens were equal there all of a sudden birthed an idea of a prince or princess mentality where kings or queens would end up dating princes or princesses because it was easier to control and manipulate. The little boys and little girls wouldn’t ever be able to help them grow of course but they would just be there for show. Same thing for people these days who decide to “buy” into the idea of a trophy person. The idea that this little prince or princess just looks good and feeds into their image of what they want has created unhealthy examples of how people are treating themselves, expecting of themselves and making the world really imbalanced for those looking for something deeper. The most well known aspect is the idea of a sugar baby. This attractive younger person who is able to fulfill physical needs of the sugar mama/daddy is easily controlled by money/status/power etc. and may never actually like or love this other person as they are only there to gain what they need. There is almost never an establishment of loyalty, trust, commitment, emotional vulnerability and all the other kinds of qualities most are looking for out of a partnership. I had worked in the adult entertainment business for almost a decade where I interacted with people from all walks of life and the conversations I had with people were eye opening. The amount of people who would say well I’ll just find someone else when this gets boring or if I find someone who has more money was honestly scary. On the other hand when a well established situation is entered into where both parties have committed to that agreement from the jump, those are fine, fully transparent, some even fully contractual and legally notarized. The problem is that this has leaked into mainstream expectations. The little girl wanting to be treated like a fucking princess forces herself to look a certain way willing to mutilate her body to look different, pretending to be into whatever it is that the object of her affection is into misleading them into doing whatever she wants, manipulating and controlling the narrative to give her what she desires. All smoke and mirrors while the guy is just mesmerized by her beauty he realizes that there was never any loyalty, trust, emotional connection or commitment established from the jump based on authenticity. Or the opposite can be said where she’s overly clingy, she latches onto him to the point where he can’t escape her. Series of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde where at the beginning it all seemed so great until the true colors came out and now they are stuck together because neither came into the situation with emotional intelligence on what a relationship is made of.

There isn’t anything wrong with people wanting a relationship where maybe gender roles are apparent like a stay at home person and a bread winner but those are fully discussed from the beginning and then are allowed to come up for review and change as well. The issue with these desires is that it puts too much pressure on things that are conditional. If one of them lost their job and the other person who was the stay at home parent all of a sudden doesn’t have an income they may begin to panic and not want to help as they never expected that they would have to the pull the slack. The missing key is the commitment to the self. A fully committed person who had entered into the relationship knows that they have to be able to take care of themselves that whatever happens to their partner shouldn’t be the end all be all, sure inconveniencing and scary but they know they came into the partnership knowing that they can figure something out for themselves. When we think about relationships of any kind it is important to think about the foundation. If I can build a relationship of my dreams what does that actually look like? Many people have issues with articulating this. I think everyone at some point in time has been asked what does your ideal partner look like to you? Most will say the basic, good looking, funny, loving, kind, and charming. So surface level shit, when will good looks help you when you have a fight with your partner, when will being funny help in times of serious decisions, when will being loving help when someone needs physical help, etc. Not to say these qualities are admirable and beneficial but what about the true foundation like the ability to clearly communicate their needs, desires, likes, dislikes, fears, etc., the ability to see new perspectives, the commitment to themselves and our relationship, trust, confidence, loyalty, belief systems, values, passions in life? If you compare the types of things you are looking for in a relationship system based upon these latter statements you will notice that they are more interchangeable than the first ones. When you have a fight with this person because you built a foundation with someone who has the ability to communicate we are more equipped to handle and withstand conflict because they are able to fully commit to themselves, or when there is a serious decision needing to be made their ability to see new perspectives allows them to be able to consider the other person's needs as well, or when someone needs physical help they are able to be fully committed to the relationship, etc.

We need to think about it in the way in which if anything was taken from you at a drop of a hat in life what would you be left with. So if you forced yourself to take a job just for the money and then the job is gone, what do you have left? Do you have self-reliance to put yourself back out there and not worry about it? Do you have knowledge on how to make money? Do you have patience to align with something better? Do you have emotional intelligence to process the loss fully and move forward? Do you have the ability to humble yourself to make prudent money decisions like savings or ability to pinch pennies while more money comes to you?

The same thing can be said in our relationships with people, what if someone lost their job would you still love them or would you both still be ok? What if you gave birth to a baby with special needs, would you two be able to take on the responsibility of providing the time, money and attention that child would require what if someone stepped out on the relationship do you have the ability to forgive and find resolution, what if one got sick would the other be able to handle the responsibilities and handle themselves? Many never ask these questions, life just happens. This is so true but if we are only looking for people to look good, or be funny or kind in serious situations in life do those add to your relationship? I am by no means a relationship expert having had nothing but failed relationships but this is what caused me to go within to do the work on myself. To make a full commitment to myself so I can answer those questions fully to better prepare myself on the types of relationships I have with people so I can show up fully as myself, accountable, reliable, honest, loyal, committed, emotionally available, able to communicate effectively and so much more.

For people who are stuck in the ways of these trophy people if you don’t have any foundations set up in the first place, what happens with that person encounters someone who looks better than you, has a bigger dick or better sex game than you, more money, more material goods, more status, more power, etc. do you think that person will stick around? Or if you have built a relationship based upon loyalty, commitment to self and the partnership, communication on what the relationship is to be, honesty, trust, dependability etc. Do you think this person has a high chance of being fully committed to the first kind of relationship or to the second relationship? Food for thought there.

As I get older I realize that how I show up in the world is a reflection of myself and therefore dictates what I attract in my life. There are times that because you vibrate on a certain frequency you just attract anything and everything but overall it helps you to see how committed you are to yourself and your journey. The ability to fully commit to something is challenging, with society tempting us all the time it is hard for one to walk a straight path but the whole point of commitment is that it can be tempted, it can be even broken at times yet the foundation of that commitment is so powerful you can realign at any given time. The ability to fully commit to something is a strength, not a weakness. The only issue we face is asking yourself what are you committed to? Is it for your highest good, is it in alignment with what you truly desire, are you fully happy with the commitments in your life. With the end of the year approaching it is a great time for you to evaluate your commitment to yourself and see if maybe you are overly committed to certain ideas, places, beliefs, systems, people, etc. and if any of those aren’t in alignment for you, might be time to let it go so you can be fully committed to yourself.

Keep shifting your perspectives and finding the delights in everyday moments.

Love and Light,

Kate

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