Updated: May 7
Blog 2: Anger
Anger is a secondary emotion that is usually the first reaction we have to a situation. It is a secondary emotion because it is manifested through another feeling that we have yet to confront. You're not really just angry because that person cut you off in traffic and that's it. You're angry at that person for cutting you off because it made you uneasy, it caused you discomfort. It triggered something else within you. Many times, we don't even know why we are so angry at a certain situation because 9 times out of 10 the anger has absolutely nothing to do with the situation that is currently in front of us but rather something else all together.
We feel angered or annoyed/frustrated by something because we are physically triggered by something that we are perceiving in the world and then finally it is indicating that we are not addressing something that is actually within. How many of us pause when we are angry? Show of hands? Rarely anyone. However, you can get to a level where you allow the initial anger to subdue and then finally take the pause. You allow yourself the ability to acknowledge that you are in fact angry. Then you either find an outlet for that anger to work through it until you can find the root cause and or resolution on how to actually deal with the situation at hand. The likelihood of you going through life and never being angered by a single thing without having endured the processing of it all and your trauma is highly unlikely. We can achieve a space where we don't judge this anger and we actually are able to process it in a healthy way without letting the emotion get the best of us. However, even if it does, it is natural and not the end of the world. Perfect doesn't exist, we are here to try our best and learn from everything.
As mentioned previously, we can at times react to our anger before we fully know what is going on. So, at times we tend to put the proverbial foot in our mouth and then are stuck with having to deal with the repercussions of our actions. With strong self-awareness we are able to have these triggered states help us guide us back inwards and take note of what is going on instead of reacting to the situation at hand.
Anger is one that needs not only a physical outlet but also an internal deep healing and cleansing. We have to deal with the temporal outward emotions first with anger to help us guide ourselves back inward and then have to process the underlying emotion that the anger is actually the root for.
Once we are able to clearly acknowledge that we are in fact mad in that current setting we are then able to go deeper to ask why are we mad? Once we start peeling back the layers that we are mad because of x, y and z then we can finally start addressing and processing the root causes of that anger. We can address the self limiting beliefs and initial trauma that is being asked to be dealt with. Healing is multi-layer as with anything in life.
Anger is something that is an important tool and indicator to us that something is not right. It is healthy to have this emotion and it is also healthy to emote it. If we do not emote this emotion, it can come out in ways that we don't want it to and that can be far more damaging than acknowledging that something isn't right and that we have been upset by something. Life is about working through difficulties and learning more about yourself and being angered by something is part of life. We don't want to ignore that there is something wrong, nor do we want to go through life not fully experiencing everything for what it has to offer. The more that you are mad about things the more that it is showing you how far away from yourself you truly are, which is in fact a great tool and helpful for your growth and self-development. The only problem is that many do not know any better and end up staying mad far longer than they need to and project and blame others for their own problems, which keeps them further away from being in full connection with their true self.
We never want to be ashamed to feel any emotion or reaction in life. We are looking to become observers of ourselves first and foremost, rather than doctors trying to fix everything that appears to not be working and blame it on things. After you have nailed down how to just observe and let go of attaching stories and narratives, it is easier for you to start shifting yourself into a space where you can truly just let go and slowly become aware of what is setting you off. Once you realize the trigger points and start diving deeper into the why you do the things you do or noticing how frequent things come up you can get to the heart of the issues and can begin the deprogramming process so then you can start learning new behaviors and move into a space of authenticity to your environment.
There are many tools out there for you that won't cause you to completely lose your shit on someone but rather work through it with intention. Intention is key to achieving anything in life. What would you tell yourself if you wanted to get a new job. You would simply say to yourself. I am getting a new job! That is the intention, don't start off with explaining to yourself that your current job just isn't working and you're not sure what you want to do or that you don't know what kind of job you want. Cut the bullshit and get straight to the point. I am getting a new job and then slowly you turn that into I have a new job. You don't need to know all of the details. The same can be said with healing and controlling our emotions. We don't need to go in with all of these old stories and stuff right at the beginning we can simply state that you are in fact mad, admitting it and then stating your intention. I want to know why I am so mad. I want to release all of this anger in me. Simple and straight to the point. Once you are able to set that intention you can then move forward by finding a tool that works best for you.
Perhaps starting off with journaling as we mentioned in the previous blog can help you to better express yourself and allow yourself the space to be honest about what has happened.
Many times we aren't as mad at someone else or a situation as we are mad at ourselves. By journaling, this allows you to be fully vulnerable with those underlying root emotions that we were discussing. Like, I am so mad that I allowed myself to trust that person and not think for myself. These types of anger are really feelings of hurt and not rage.
Other forms of anger are wanting revenge on someone else that call on a more primitive energy from you that needs to be released physically. This is something you can channel into a physical pursuit like boxing, martial arts or something that you can really get your body moving. I will even go for a run and really push through it and release that stored energy out of my body. This requires you to give it your all and not hold back, many people experience sadness after this through tears of releasing all of the pain that you are holding onto. The rage allowed you again to tap into the primary emotion that was covered up by the secondary emotion of anger.
Sometimes, we can't control ourselves and what is usually the straw that breaks the camel's back so to speak is that we just loose it. For situations like this, it had to happen. It was going to happen eventually and your body simply could not hold it in anymore. The problem is you are 100% responsible for this reaction that took place. It is your job to heal and take accountability for your own actions. You may have to apologize, ask for forgiveness or other things to take full responsibility for what transpired. This is the least preferred option but is one that happens the most frequently. If you notice however this is a pattern for you, you may want to start with the option 1 of journaling what keeps happening in your life so you can pinpoint why this has become a repeating pattern.
Observation of the self is the greatest tool and by far the only tool you have to truly heal yourself and change your perspective and behaviors. Without self observation, you're just doing things because you expect an outcome. When we go through life looking for some sort of fix, cure all, antidote or savior we have failed to take any accountability that it is up to us to figure it out. It is a process and it is challenging but you were sent here to remember what it is that you need in this lifetime. Life isn't here for us to just pass on through it, it is meant to have a profound experience and change us in some way. This means the good, the bad and everything in-between. That is the life that we signed up for.
The more that you can sit in your anger and learn how to channel it and where it stems from, the easier it is to do something about it. There is no change without an internal shift within. So ask yourself first and foremost do you actually want to change? Sometimes we think we should but we don't actually want to change. Just because people and yourself can tell you that you should do something or that something would make more sense if you did do it, doesn't mean that you actually want to do it. If you don't feel compelled to actually do something your success rate will be very low. Start at the thoughts and just observe yourself of what you're thinking and see if these thoughts are ones you want to stick with or do you actually desire a new way of thinking? Only you can decide ultimately what kind of thoughts you want to think.
Don't let everyone else tell you how to be, rather take back your power and see who is it that you actually want to be when you wake up every morning and figure out how to do what is necessary to achieve that.
Keep shifting your perspectives and finding the delights in everyday moments.
Love and Light,